One day, Billy called up Benji and Joel to invite them
to his birthday party. “Yo, where we gonna kick it at dawg?” asked Joel. “Uh…
it’s gonna be at Taco Bell. OOH! And be sure to bring me a gift! *cough*peanut butter*cough*” “Hey
Billy, are you getting sick dude ‘cuz you’re coughing sounds terrible?” Benji asked. “Ugh!
No… never mind. Just be sure to come,” said Billy in an irritated voice. “Whoa… what
crawled up his ass and died?” said Benji after hanging up. “I dunno bro. So what you wanna buy
the little white boy? I say we get him a bling blingin’ hamster wheel yo.” remarked Joel. “Nah.
How ‘bout a hamster with a Mohawk dude?” said Benji. Then both of their faces brightened. “A
HAMSTER AND A WHEEL!” Then the two looked at each other oddly. “Yo homes, let’s never do
that again. It’s not cool fool,” remarked Joel. Benji nodded in agreement.
(Back to Billy) Now Billy was calling
Paul‘s cell phone. “Hey Paul, are you coming to my party?”… There was a silence.
“Paul… are you there?” “Huh? I’m sorry, what were you saying Billy?”
Paul mumbled as he stuffed food down his face. Billy sighed, “Paul, how many times have I told you
to stay away from Mary Anne’s food?” (Mary Anne is one of Billy’s hamsters that Paul was temporarily taking
care of.) “Who said I was eating her food?” said Paul, stuffing his face down with even more
food. “Ugh… whatever. Just be sure to come to my party today, okay?” said Billy, somewhat
frustrated. Paul grunted incoherently. “Um… I’ll take that as a yes. Oh! And don’t
forget… the party’s at Taco Bell,” said Billy.“Is there gonna be food?” said
Paul excitedly. “Uh… yeah. I’m pretty sure there’ll be food,” said Billy somewhat
confused. “AWESOME! I’ll be there soon!” “Ok then,” said Billy.
“Yeah, Billy, one more question. Is Chris going to your party?” asked Paul. “Um, I’m
not sure,” replied Billy. “Oh…,” said Paul in a sense of sadness. “So…”
continued Paul in a seductive manner, “What are you gonna wear? Something nice and sexy maybe?" “Um,
I dunno…” said Billy concerned. “Oh,” Paul said sadly, “Well don’t worry,
I still think you’re hot Billy.” “Uh… Paul, you’re starting to scare me,”
remarked Billy concerned. “Don’t worry you’re pretty little head my sweet lollipop. It’ll
be soon ‘til we meet.” And Paul blew him a kiss and hung up. Billy was shocked by this, but then got over it and
was now calling Chris.
“Hey Chris, are you coming to my party?”
“Is Paul going?” Chris asked. “Um… yeah. I think so,” said
Billy. “Oh. Then I’m sorry Billy. I can’t go.” “But why not?”
asked Billy. “Personal reasons. Sorry man.” (Paul had begun to come onto Chris like he’s
done with all the other drummers.) “Well… then it’s okay. If you change your mind, it’s
gonna be at Taco Bell.” “Alright then,” Chris sighed and then the two hung up.“Well,
that’s it. Now to get ready,” said Billy and headed off to his room and changed into some clothes he found lying
on the floor. Then he headed off to Taco Bell.
When he arrived, he entered Taco Bell to find Paul sitting
down, wearing a “Nightmare Before Christmas” birthday hat. “Billy! There you are!”
said Paul gleefully. “I waited for you sugar buns,” and he patted the seat next to him, motioning Billy to sit
next to him. Billy slowly walked over to the seat and cautiously sat down. Then Paul slipped his arm around Billy.“Uh…
Paul, what are you doing?” questioned Billy. “Just making you feel comfortable honey,”
replied Paul, staring intently at Billy. Billy attempted not to make eye contact. Then, Joel and Benji came in. Paul quickly
removed his arm from Billy. It was too late though, Joel and Benji had already seen.
“It’s alright Paul. You can put your hand
back. We’ve known about you all along,” said Benji.“Really?” said Paul, making a
confused face. Then decided they were telling the truth and put his arm around Billy again. Billy shuddered. “So
how long have you guys been here,” asked Benji, messing around with his lip ring. “Well I’ve
been here for a while and Mr. Pretty Birthday Boy just got here,” said Paul, snuggling up to Billy. Billy was a defenseless
person and wouldn’t do anything. Then Paul started stroking Billy’s hair, slowly moving his fingers in between
his hair. Billy twitched. All of them then heard the door behind them open to find Chris coming in. Paul
rapidly removed his arm and pleaded to Chris, “Chris! It’s not what it looks like! He told me to do it! Honest!
I would never betray you!” Chris just stared at Paul blankly. “Happy birthday Billy,” said
Chris and he presented him with a gift. Billy stood in awe. “Thank you Chris!” and he took the
present and put it aside. “Come, sit down,” and he scooted over closer to Paul. Paul, trying to make it seem he
didn’t want to be near Billy, moved away even more, making things better for Billy. Chris obligingly sat down.
“So what have you guys been doing?” asked
Chris. “Well, Joel was flirting with the cashier a while ago,” responded Benji. “What?!
No I wasn’t!” Joel bursted.“Really? Who was the one saying, ‘Hey girl, you know that
one song ‘Little Things’? Aww yeah, that’s all about me girl!” mocked Benji. Joel blushed. “And
as you saw right now, Paul was flirting with Billy,” continued Benji. “That’s a lie!”
exclaimed Paul. “He wanted me to do it,” continued Paul, pointing his finger at Billy. Chris
then asked, “Hey, where are your guys’ presents?” “Oh, didn’t we leave the
presents in the car Joel?” asked Benji. “Yo, didn’t I tell your white ass to bring the
presents?!” remarked Joel. Benji silently mocked Joel and got up to go to the car. After a while, Chris noticed that
Paul was staring at him. He tried to hide the fact that he knew Paul was staring at him, but he just couldn’t. “What!?
What is it Paul!? Huh? Huh?” yelled Chris. “Um… you got a little something right there,”
said Paul, placing his hand over his own face, showing Chris where to brush off his face. “Oh…
thank you,” replied Chris, wiping his face off. Chris then noticed Billy and Joel staring at him.“What?!
Can’t I ask anything anymore?!” said Chris. The two just stared at him awkwardly. Then Benji came in.
“About time homes. I was about to go and get the
motha fuckin gift on my own cuz your lazy ass was taking too long,” remarked Joel. “Whatever
dude. Just be happy that you’re my brother and I can’t kill you,” responded Benji. “Yo
what was that dawg?” exclaimed Joel. “Ugh! Nothing! Just forget it,” said Benji, drawing
a tattoo that said “PUNK ASS” on his arm.“Anyways, CAKE TIME!” exclaimed Billy and
the cashier who Joel had been flirting with earlier came by and placed the cake on their table. Joel blew the cashier
a kiss and the she left in disgust. Then everybody looked at the cake.
It was layered in tons of peanut butter with strawberries
inside. No one was really surprised by this. They all just dug in and swallowed up the whole thing.After
everyone finished eating their cake, Billy then decided it was time to open gifts. He decided he’d open up Chris’
gift first.Quickly, tearing up the wrapping paper and letting it fall where it may, Billy opened up his gift.
His eyes widened greatly when he saw his present.“It’s a week pass to PEANUT BUTTER WORLD!”
exclaimed Billy. “Look at the bottom of the box, what else do you see?” said Chris. Billy gasped.
“It’s a ‘Buy one hamster, get 10 free’ coupon!” said Billy excitedly, “Thanks
Chris, this is the best gift ever!” Everyone complimented Chris on the wonderful gift. Now it was Paul’s turn.
“Oh, I didn’t know you brought me a gift Paul,” said Billy.“I hid
it from you as a surprise,” said Paul. Billy shrugged and quickly opened the gift.“Oh…
it’s a photo album… of you Paul,” said Billy disappointedly. “Don’t you love
it!?” said Paul happily. “Now you can watch me every night and day or sleep by me whenever you please.”
“Um… thanks Paul. I’ll cherish it forever,” replied Billy sarcastically.
“Open ours now,” said Benji. He pushed the
present towards Billy. Billy quickly opened it and nearly died. In it was a dead hamster laying on a gold
plated hamster wheel. “What happened dawg?” asked Joel nervously. Billy stared at them evilly.
“How could you?” said Billy coldly. He reached his hand into the box and pulled out a dead hamster.
“Benji, what the fuck did you do to it!?” scolded Joel. “I didn’t
do shit man, you’re the one who forgot to put holes in the box,” screamed Benji. “Hey it’s alright
Billy, maybe he’s just sleeping,” and Benji took the hamster wheel out and took the hamster and placed it on to
the wheel. “Come on little buddy, wake up. Show Papa Billy what an obedient little hamster you are,”
and Benji spun the wheel extremely fast and the dead hamster went flying onto Paul’s head. “Aaah!”
shrieked Paul, “Get it off me, get it off me,” and with that, he lunged the hamster directly at Billy and it smacked
his fearful face. Billy yelled like crazy until finally Chris, who had been completely bored by the situation, got the hamster
and threw it in the trash. “Thanks a lot,” said Billy, hugging Chris tightly. Paul’s face
turned a bright red of envy.
“That’s it,” he yelled, “I can’t
take it anymore,” and he pulled Billy away from Chris and gave him a long, passionate kiss. Billy resisted as much as
he could, but Paul’s grip was too strong for him. Everyone just stood back in amazement. Paul then
let Billy go and sat down comfortably. Billy stared at him in shock. No one noticed that Chris’ face had turned a bright
red as well. Chris then tapped Billy’s shoulder and when he turned around, Chris grabbed him quickly and started kissing
him as well. This time, the kiss lasted longer and yet, no one did anything but stand by and watch. Chris released his grip
on Billy and he let him go. Billy was appalled by what had just happened to him in the last 3 minutes. Benji and Joel just
stood there looking at them. There was a long silence.
“What the fuck was that?!” said Joel.“I’m
sorry,” replied Chris, “I can’t hide my feelings for you any longer Billy. I love you!”Billy
stood in awe.
“Hey wait,” butted in Paul, “I love him
more!” Then the two continued to quarrel about who loved Billy more until the unexpected happened. The two lunged for
each other, hugging the other strongly, and started making out wildly. Now everyone else just stood in shock. As Joel stared
at the two, he felt a light tap on his shoulder and turned around to find his lips meeting Benji’s. The two then started
macking as well. So in the end, Billy remained boyfriend-less on his birthday, while everyone else went home with their new
“friend.” THE END.