5th grade teacher: Today for our celebrity Spelling
Bee, we have a special guest. Class... please welcomes the members of Good Charlotte!!!
applauds as Joel, Benji, Billy, and Paul in a Tutu enters class room*
Teacher: *glances at Paul nervously* AHEM. Then we have this gay poor homeless
dude who drums for Wakefield…
as Aaron runs into the room with a HUGE smile on his face*
Aaron: *nervously looks away when he realizes no one is clapping* Uh... hey you guys...
Voice in back of class: You
Stop that Johnny! Just because Aaron lives off of welfare and wastes our taxes doesn't mean we have the right to pick on him.
Johnny: Yes it does!!! He’s poor!!!
Teacher: Um...moving along. So,
tell me what you guys do for a living.
Joel: OMG, bizzotch,
yo ass crazy!!! I bust out mad flows for GC and pimp da hoes to support Billy's $800 a day crack habit!!!
Teacher: *a little concerned* Um... Mr. Combs-
Joel: BIZZOTCH!!! You call me by my last name ONE MORE TIME, Ima bust
a cap in yo fat white ass!!!
Teacher: Benji! Please tell your brother to stop using unacceptable language in my classro… um… Benji?
*Sees Benji in the back of the class making out with
Teacher: OMG!!! Dear Lord!!! Mr. Benji, get
your hands OFF of that child!!! She's only 10 years old!!!
Benji: Ahhhh sheit! But she told me she was 18!!! *pouts*
Teacher: Anyways! Mr. Billy...
um? Where are you Billy?!
Joel: Ahhh sheit! Da skinny bizzotch done turned sideways again!!! Billy! Get cho white ass out here!
*Spots Billy in the back of classroom petting a hamster and holding it to his ear*
Hey squeaky... uh huh... ok... *surprised* what’s that?! You want to be free? Ok squeaky! Let’s do
*Billy runs over to classroom window, opens it, and hurls hamster out*
Billy: Bye squeaky!!! Fly, FLY far FAR away!!!
*classroom quiets down. Everyone hears the helpless squeaking of a hamster, then
a SQUISH as its tender body hits the ground below. It gives one final squeak as it dies...*
Billy: *looks out window, then breaks down and cries* OMG!!! I killed squeaky!! It’s all my fault!!! Oh well! At least I still have this... *pats pocket* OH GOD!!! Where’s mah crack!? No0o0o0oo0o0o0o0oo0!!!
*Billy hurls himself out the same window...THUD! As his skinny bony ass hit the ground*
Billy: Ow, that shit hurt yo. *climbs back thru window...* *looks around embarrassed*
Billy: Uh... so... anyways... wut... um… wuz going on?
*Aaron in the back stealing snacks from the kid's lunchboxes*
Teacher: *sigh* *muttering* What
a bunch of lunatics...
*Paul busts into the room with
an unzipped fly*
Paul: Dude, no one told me the janitor
was gay! Dude, I wanna go to school here!!!
OK! Enough! Let’s get on with the spelling bee so they can send you friggin' morons
back to the facility!!!
Joel: Yo, wut did I tell yo ass bizzotch!? I aint no fuckin' moron, you mutha-
*Paul grabs Joel's ass*
Faggot, get OFF me!!! I aint like dat G! I done told yo fruity ass!!! DIZZAM!!!
*Paul runs over to a far corner in embarrassment*
Joel: ANYWAYZ! Biotch, get cho gay ass sheit
ova wit so I can go pimp deese trix fo $80 an hour, ya heard!?
Teacher: Oh dear lord... *takes out cards* ok,
Billy, you first, spell "happiness."
for a minute* "h-a-p" um... uh... "piness."
Benji: Dude! You didn't spell the whole word! You just spelled "hap"
then said "piness"
Billy: I know!!! I KNOW!!! I'm illiterate!!! WHAAAAAAA!!! *sniffle* I didn't even finish high school!!! *whimpering* I just said I did so I would look
like a BIG BOY! *smiles contently*
Teacher: Um, ok.... this kid OBVIOSLY has some issues.... ok, Joel... spell "dog."
Joel: Thaz easy teach... DOG
Teacher: Uh... that is INCORRECT Joel-
Joel: Naw bitch, don't make me bust out mah thugs on yo fat ass... damn mutha-
Benji: Shut up Joel! You dumbass! THIS is how you
spell it... DOG "r-u-f-f" DOG!
Joel: Naw B, youz da dumbass! Daz how dem bitches sound!!! Aaaaah yea, sucka!!! *breaks into song* WHO LET DA DOGZ OUT!!! *ruff
*Classroom barks in unison with him*
Teacher: Ok! MOVING ON! Joel,
that was wrong...
*Joel mumbles cuss words to himself*
Teacher: Benji, spell "DAD."
Benji: Ooooh, thaz easy! "d-i-c-k."
Teacher: Uh, that is incor-
Joel: NO! NO! It’s spelled "l-a-z-y b-i-t-c-h w-h-o d-o-n-t p-a-y
c-h-i-l-d s-u-p-o-p-o-r-t" you stupid white boy!
Joel, don't be so hard on dad! He only tried to rape us twice!!! Well, YOU three times, but me just twice! *smiles happily*
Teacher: OMG!!!! You guys are scary as hell!!!
*Aaron comes back, pockets stuffed with
teddy grahams and fruit roll-ups*
Teacher: Um, Aaron...are
those our Snack Time Snackies!?
Aaron: Uh...no...I've...um...always had these!
Teacher: Err...ok... um. So, Aaron... spell the word "homeless."
Aaron: Hey, that shit ain't funny!!! Wuz a brotha gotta do to earn so respect round
here?! I only get food stamps twice a week! I mean, come on!!!
Teacher: *sigh* Obviously, this isn't going anywhere...
*teacher looks down*
Teacher: OMG! Billy just took a shit on the floor!!! Holy fuck, I quit!!!
*teacher runs out of classroom
and sees Paul and the janitor making out in the broom closet...*