5th grade teacher: Today for our celebrity Spelling
Bee, we have a special guest. Class... please welcomes the members of Good Charlotte!!! *Class
applauds as Joel, Benji, Billy, and Paul in a Tutu enters class room* Teacher: *glances at Paul nervously* AHEM. Then we have this gay poor homeless
dude who drums for Wakefield… Class: *silence
as Aaron runs into the room with a HUGE smile on his face* Aaron: *nervously looks away when he realizes no one is clapping* Uh... hey you guys... Voice in back of class: You
suck!!!! Teacher: AHEM!!!
Stop that Johnny! Just because Aaron lives off of welfare and wastes our taxes doesn't mean we have the right to pick on him.
Johnny: Yes it does!!! He’s poor!!! Teacher: Um...moving along. So,
tell me what you guys do for a living. Joel: OMG, bizzotch,
yo ass crazy!!! I bust out mad flows for GC and pimp da hoes to support Billy's $800 a day crack habit!!! Teacher: *a little concerned* Um... Mr. Combs- Joel: BIZZOTCH!!! You call me by my last name ONE MORE TIME, Ima bust
a cap in yo fat white ass!!! Teacher: Benji! Please tell your brother to stop using unacceptable language in my classro… um… Benji?
*Sees Benji in the back of the class making out with
Lou-Lou* Teacher: OMG!!! Dear Lord!!! Mr. Benji, get
your hands OFF of that child!!! She's only 10 years old!!! Benji: Ahhhh sheit! But she told me she was 18!!! *pouts* Teacher: Anyways! Mr. Billy...
um? Where are you Billy?! Joel: Ahhh sheit! Da skinny bizzotch done turned sideways again!!! Billy! Get cho white ass out here! *Spots Billy in the back of classroom petting a hamster and holding it to his ear* Billy:
Hey squeaky... uh huh... ok... *surprised* what’s that?! You want to be free? Ok squeaky! Let’s do
this!!! *Billy runs over to classroom window, opens it, and hurls hamster out* Billy: Bye squeaky!!! Fly, FLY far FAR away!!! *classroom quiets down. Everyone hears the helpless squeaking of a hamster, then
a SQUISH as its tender body hits the ground below. It gives one final squeak as it dies...* Billy: *looks out window, then breaks down and cries* OMG!!! I killed squeaky!! It’s all my fault!!! Oh well! At least I still have this... *pats pocket* OH GOD!!! Where’s mah crack!? No0o0o0oo0o0o0o0oo0!!! *Billy hurls himself out the same window...THUD! As his skinny bony ass hit the ground* Billy: Ow, that shit hurt yo. *climbs back thru window...* *looks around embarrassed* Billy: Uh... so... anyways... wut... um… wuz going on? *Aaron in the back stealing snacks from the kid's lunchboxes* Teacher: *sigh* *muttering* What
a bunch of lunatics... *Paul busts into the room with
an unzipped fly* Paul: Dude, no one told me the janitor
was gay! Dude, I wanna go to school here!!! Teacher:
OK! Enough! Let’s get on with the spelling bee so they can send you friggin' morons
back to the facility!!! Joel: Yo, wut did I tell yo ass bizzotch!? I aint no fuckin' moron, you mutha- *Paul grabs Joel's ass* Joel:
Faggot, get OFF me!!! I aint like dat G! I done told yo fruity ass!!! DIZZAM!!! *Paul runs over to a far corner in embarrassment* Joel: ANYWAYZ! Biotch, get cho gay ass sheit
ova wit so I can go pimp deese trix fo $80 an hour, ya heard!? Teacher: Oh dear lord... *takes out cards* ok,
Billy, you first, spell "happiness." Billy: *thinks
for a minute* "h-a-p" um... uh... "piness." Benji: Dude! You didn't spell the whole word! You just spelled "hap"
then said "piness" Billy: I know!!! I KNOW!!! I'm illiterate!!! WHAAAAAAA!!! *sniffle* I didn't even finish high school!!! *whimpering* I just said I did so I would look
like a BIG BOY! *smiles contently* Teacher: Um, ok.... this kid OBVIOSLY has some issues.... ok, Joel... spell "dog." Joel: Thaz easy teach... DOG
"b-i-z-z-o-t-c-h" DOG Teacher: Uh... that is INCORRECT Joel- Joel: Naw bitch, don't make me bust out mah thugs on yo fat ass... damn mutha-
Benji: Shut up Joel! You dumbass! THIS is how you
spell it... DOG "r-u-f-f" DOG! Joel: Naw B, youz da dumbass! Daz how dem bitches sound!!! Aaaaah yea, sucka!!! *breaks into song* WHO LET DA DOGZ OUT!!! *ruff
ruff ruff* *Classroom barks in unison with him* Teacher: Ok! MOVING ON! Joel,
that was wrong... *Joel mumbles cuss words to himself* Teacher: Benji, spell "DAD." Benji: Ooooh, thaz easy! "d-i-c-k." Teacher: Uh, that is incor- Joel: NO! NO! It’s spelled "l-a-z-y b-i-t-c-h w-h-o d-o-n-t p-a-y
c-h-i-l-d s-u-p-o-p-o-r-t" you stupid white boy! Benji: Damn
Joel, don't be so hard on dad! He only tried to rape us twice!!! Well, YOU three times, but me just twice! *smiles happily* Teacher: OMG!!!! You guys are scary as hell!!! *Aaron comes back, pockets stuffed with
teddy grahams and fruit roll-ups* Teacher: Um, Aaron...are
those our Snack Time Snackies!? Aaron: Uh...no...I've...um...always had these! Teacher: Err...ok... um. So, Aaron... spell the word "homeless." Aaron: Hey, that shit ain't funny!!! Wuz a brotha gotta do to earn so respect round
here?! I only get food stamps twice a week! I mean, come on!!! Teacher: *sigh* Obviously, this isn't going anywhere...
*teacher looks down* Teacher: OMG! Billy just took a shit on the floor!!! Holy fuck, I quit!!! *teacher runs out of classroom
and sees Paul and the janitor making out in the broom closet...* END
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