“Billy’s at the lemonade stand. Well, bizarro Billy actually. Weird
Billy. But he looks as he always does.”
“Where my corn at? My corn in there?”
“Whose ‘Very Sexy’ is this? Is this yours Billy?”
“Halloween is the only normal day of the year for me. I feel… death.
In death I will find… permanent Halloween.”
“I’ve actually kissed a couple of Joel’s girlfriends.”
(After being asked if he kissed Joel’s girlfriend)
“Collared shirts because I uh… started playing golf.”
“This is the kinda stuff we go home and brag to our friends about.”
(Referring to free clothes)
“I told you I can’t do the Brad Pitt picture. I’ve got to do
Johnny Depp film. I don‘t care if you said 20 million.”
“No I will not do a sex scene with Demi Moore. She’s going out with
“I was on the toilet… that’s right. And it’s a good thing…
cuz I shit myself. (Referring to where he was when he found out he was nominated for the VMA’s.
“It smells like an old person’s house.” (Referring to someone’s
"Christina Aguilera tried to make out with me... and I shut her down!" (Imitating
"I pulled my own pants down and put it on myself and said 'you guys leave me alone.'"
(Imitating Joel about the Bengay incident)
"I sell out every day, I say "Give me 5 bucks, and I'll give you a kiss."
"Life is Benji, The rest is just details…Benji is Life!"
"Look!...There's Joel!...There's the other one!"
"One time I ripped Joel's nipples off! One time I pierced Paul's butt cheeks together."
"He's what you call a loser folks. A loser." (Talking about Joel in high school.)
"I'm agoraphobic. I just want someone to love me!"
"We like to go out to shopping malls and harass people."
"We usually say this is the 'Make out Song' but our mom is here!"
"What's my official statement? My official statement is.... that I've been wearing
the same underwear for four days."
"We stole all of Paul's clothes and made him play naked."
"When we do fight it's not about things we think we'd fight about like, music.
It's about like, I'll wear Joel socks and he'd be like, *Benji imitating Joel* Dude…dude… I told you not to wear
my socks, dude… You know I like my socks… Benj!…Dude…Oh are those my boxers too?…Dude ohhh…
Ohh do you have to go there…Dude… Dude! Then we're like in the studio in this really important part of the song
and I'll be like 'what do you think we should do?' I don't care… are those my boxers? Dude!"
"Joel your gloves suck!"
"Stop watching them making out!"
"I have a confession to make: I love making out. It’s fun and innocent.
And besides, you can't get pregnant from making out."
"Someone call the fire department this one's out of control!" (Said while shaking
his hips back and forth)
"Hey, guys. I have some bad news for you...we were backing out of the parking
lot and I think we ran over Lil Bow Wow."
"This one time, Joel was too scared to ask a girl to a dance so he had me call
her up and pretend I was him, and she said no and then she said 'This isn't Joel is it?' and I said, 'No it's Benj!'"
"Yeah on our day off we went to Disney for our first time and Joel was like a
little kid. He was like come on guys we have to hurry to Space Mountain. And this morning when I walked in the bathroom I
swear I heard him singing When you wish upon a star."
"I wanna ride on a magical piano" (Talking about the Vanessa Carlton video)
"I was not programmed to love." (In an Arnold Schwarznegger voice)
"Let me put on my leather pants and unbutton my shirt to appear younger."
"Mother says I need to try to look more respectable."
"Were all gonna run around naked and make animal noises!"
"I forgot to shave my legs today!"
"Uh, my name’s Benji... I grew up in Waldorf. Single white male. Enjoys
long walks on the beach. In search of someone sensitive and caring for conversation, friendship, possible serious relationship,
coffee, or a good book."
"This is Joel at the mall... 'Hey girl, who you with? You ever heard that song
'Little Things'? Yo, that's about me, girl... Awww yeah...'"
"It's amazing the fun you can have for 99 cents."
(After girl hands him a ring that lights up when you push it)"JOEL!!!! LOOKIE!"
*Pushes ring into Joel's cheek and watches it light up* "It's so purty!”
"Malibu Stacey! Malibu Stacey! I would be Malibu Stacey... She has a cool car"
"Yeah, one time I was rocking' balls and my mom walked in and caught me. War stories.